Got Poop?

Disclaimer – You may find this topic inappropriate, gross, crude, horrifying but come on, who doesn’t poo?  Actually this is really quite personal and I don’t talk about it with many (but heck I'll talk about it with the entire world on the internet) . But since we are all runners and have probably encountered questions or “situations”, maybe you can comment with hints, tricks or stories.

What do you call a constipated German?  farfrompoopin

(as a German, I find that hilarious)

A while ago I read someone’s blog about how she will pee on herself during a race.  It was quite accepted and normal with her and her friends.  Did you ever read Marathon Man where Dean talks about seeing water lines in the dirt and it ended up being guys peeing while they ran?  Ok, If I had to pee on myself, I think I could do that. 


I’ve heard stories of people poo’ing on themselves during a race and I’ve wondered what I would do in that situation.   I’ve stressed before long runs and before races and have wondered how can I poo on command?  I’ve been on a run where I’ve ducked behind bushes and runs where I’ve barely made it home on time and runs where I have clamped up tight till getting home.  Since I'm going to be running a marathon and want to qualify for Boston, I don't have the time to be visiting the "honey pots" during the race.


Please give me your advice on the following questions:

How do you poo on command?

My boyfriend swears the solution to the question is having hot tea first thing in the morning before a run.   I have tried that and maybe I don't have the right flavor of tea but it hasn't worked for me.  Eating something before a run is supposed to also help get the digestion going.  But for me generally just being awake and moving for an hour or two will produce results but not always.  Being awake requires getting up even earlier to wander aimlessly about the house wondering when it will come and what if it doesn’t before needing to head out the door?  For the marathon I think I'll wake up at 3am so come 7am I am poo free.

Do you suffer from stomach cramps/diarrhea during or after a run or race? What do you do for them?

I’ve become very good friends with the pink pepto bismal tablets.  They fit perfectly in my pouch on my water belt. When I trained for my first marathon and started hitting 18 miles and above, I would lay on the floor next to the bathroom for 3 hours afterwards.  During my 3 hour stints on the floor I started popping the pepto tablets immediately after a run and eventually moved it up to half hour before my run completed.  Now, at first gurgle during a long run I take one of these.  During shorter runs though my stomach still gets upset and sometimes it’s a race to get home. I have also found these pink gems to be quite popular with my team mates during Ragnar Relay.

To poo or not to poo?

As I mentioned, I’ve heard of runners having to poo on themselves during a race.  A story in particular is when my boyfriend saw a female runner qualifying for the Olympic trials in Tucson cross the finish line with brown streaked down the back of her legs.  I know that qualifying for Boston isn’t like qualifying for the Olympic trials but it is really important to me.  I really want to qualify but is it worth pooing on myself?   What is your thoughts on this?  Would you?

When I posted my 5 at 5 story (where I ran 5 miles clenched) a couple people commented with their poo story.  Do you have a poo story you'd like to share?

Last year a fellow runner friend sent me this email. 

TYPES OF POO

Ghost Poo:
You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the toilet. Where is it?

Teflon Poo:
So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

Goo Poo:
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the toilet.

Second Thoughts Poo:
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise... there's more to come.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.

Weight Watchers Poo:
You poo so much you lose several pounds.

Right Now Poo:
You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your
pants down.

King Kong Poo:
This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well. This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.

Cork Poo:
Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?

Wet Cheeks Poo:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.

Wish Poo:
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.

Cement Block Poo:
You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.

Snake Poo:
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Morning After Poo:
Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house (normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside to use the bathroom.

Mexican Food Poo:
Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bum stops burning.

Boo Hoo Poo:
Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the stitches or go for the fuller figure.